And so it goes...

And so it goes, that sometimes, we have to stop pretending. We have to stop pretending if we're happy or if we're sad. We have to stop pretending if we're bad or if we're good. If we're smart or stupid. We have to stop pretending that we have anything in common and accept our differences. Sometimes, I have to stop pretending that I'm not afraid to stop pretending. We all hide behind our masks of somekind, be it religion or sacrifice, be it drugs or clothes, we all wear our masks. Being in Thailand, has been like peeling away mask after mask until I'm bare. I feel fresh and rejuvenated. I feel finally myself. Yet, I'm afraid. I'm afraid that when I leave this country, those masks will reappear. I fear that what was known about me before this wonderful experience will haunt me. That those thoughts and images will follow me when I return.

We all change as we get older. I find myself metamorphasizing. I have to say, I like this new self.

Next year, I will return to Corvallis. Situations have changed. My two younger siblings will be older and taller. My three year old sister will be using "acceptable" in her vocabulary. My dad, of all people, has gotten a dog. I'll be able to use the car and I have a job waiting for me at the lab where I once worked. Many of my good friends will have left for college and many of them will have stayed behind. Corvallis is Pleasantville after all, few ever leave.
I still have six months here, but I feel that time is slipping by me and that it's of the utmost importance that I try and make things as comfortable for me as possible in my hometown before I return. Rotary once told me, that coming back will be the hardest part of my exchange. I have no doubt about that.

P.S. First thing I want to eat...probably a burrito from La Roca. I'll leave my dad in charge of that.