So...
I'm not looking forward to the crying. I have a feeling that there will be a lot of crying when I walk into the terminal. I can see it already, my mother will start it off and I will get angry. That's what happens. She starts to cry, I get angry, then I start to cry. But I'm not going to cry, because I'm not sad that I'm leaving. I'm not even nervous. I'm ecstatic. I'm positively jolly. I'm ready.
My dad is a wild card, I'm not sure if he'll cry. He does from time to time. His dignified facade melts and he either cries or makes some dirty joke about fast food chains or circumcision.
I just want to be done with it. I want to be on that plane, waving goodbye to the United States, meeting other exchange students. I love exchange students. There's something about them. They know who they are OR are willing to find out. A bit of both.
I want to look out from the plane window and only see ocean and sky. I want to land with a group of kids, and look out for our host families. I want to go through customs.
I had a dream that I was just so happy to be in customs that it didn't occur to me to pick a line. I just stood there for hours, and my host family was waiting outside for me and I didn't even notice. I could see them through the glass doors.
When my four year old half-brother gets mad at me, he says "You're going to have to find a NEW family."
I tell him that I've already done that and I'll be living with them in a few weeks.
He doesn't believe me. He thinks I'm teasing him.
I'm not.
I have a new family, or two or three. I have new brothers and sisters and I have new parents.
My mother can't believe that most exchange students grow to love their host parents as much as they love their real parents. It hurts her to think that I might have new mothers that I love equally as much as I love her. She's afraid that I'll stop loving her.
That's my hope though. I want to bond THAT well with my host mothers and host fathers. I want to be best friends with my host brothers and sisters.
I'm planning. I'm planning to jog with my mae (although I hate running), play basketball with my brother (although I don't really like basketball) and play music with my phor (although I've never played a thai instrument). I want to help cook dinner and help garden. I want to learn Thai like nobody else. I want to be fluent, I want to dream in Thai.
I wonder what classes I'll have. Will I take regular classes or Thai culture classes?
Will I be friends with my siblings friends?
I know I'll figure it out soon enough.

Wrapping things up

It's like a present, I have to put all the finishing touches on it. I have to finish an Online english class that I should be working on, but am not, I have to send in a few more papers and I also just have to hope that everything will work out. My visa, passport, and ticket have not come yet, I don't know when I'm leaving, I don't know with whom I'll be traveling, I don't know how my parents are going to be, I don't know so many things, but I know more than I ever thought I would one year ago. It's pulling together, the tape is coming out, and my ticket will be the bow. Once I get on the plane I'll start to unwrap a present, a culture, a language. It'll be pandora's box, good with the bad. I'm going to be just fine because this is my year to figure out who I am and who I can be without influence from my family, friends, school, town, and society. I will be simply myself: A fool, bumbling about in a foreign culture making mistakes, laughing, trying to flirt without sarcasm. I can't wait.